My laptop teetered on my crossed legs as I sat on the couch, staring at the screen with my new WordPress account on the brink of being finished.
Except for that taunting, blinking cursor that was demanding the site’s newest, naive blogger to name her blog. This is your first one! The title has to be just the right balance of profound, witty and yet readable.
Basically, I like words. Annnnnd that’s probably an understatement. If you know me, you’re rolling your eyes because I am THAT grammar Nazi, THAT kid who loved English class, and THAT friend who constantly shows you all those pins on Pinterest with the hilarious grammar guy and you’re*. (Remember, I was also THAT girl who provided free labor and edited all of your papers… so you guys can stop rolling!)
The cursor continued to blink. I thought. And thought. And stared blankly across my living room. My screen ended the cursor’s taunts as it went dark out of inactivity.
And then… it came. A verb (or present participle to be annoyingly, grammatically correct) just popped into my mind. Simple as that.
But what am I chasing?
There’s something about a pursuit that is so intoxicating. A high speed car chase: it steals all of your regularly-scheduled primetime shows, and your attention. Our curiosity burns just like the engine of the fool veering in and out of lanes. We egg on the careless and lawless driver to keep holding down the accelerator because it’s exhilarating to wonder what it’ll take to end it. We all know it’s not going to end well for the driver. In what episode of COPS ever did the driver evade all cameras, helicopters and police vehicles to find total freedom? We know it has to end, but we just want to see how.
A love story. Time and time again, crowds flock to the movie theaters to watch a story where a man pursues a woman in the most romantic, tear-jerking of ways. We know how it’s going to end–even you, Nicholas Sparks, we’re on to you and your twisted ways–yet we still eat it up because we just want to see how the chase plays out.
And then there’s the best of pursuits. The one that is set apart from all other pursuits because it’s one that we, humans, will never fully understand. God’s chase after His own children. His creation. His bride.
We were made in His image. After creating the universe, the planets, the stars, the beasts of the field… He wasn’t content to stop until He made us. Guys. I think that means we’re kind of His favorite!
But sadly, it became human nature to disappoint him. Growing up in an amazing family, rooted in the church, I knew that I was God’s cherished daughter at an early age. But all too often, I sinned, fueled fires, and pushed Him away. Instead, I went on my own pursuit of something that I thought I could find all by myself: perfection.
It was just easier to do it my way and ask Him for help later… when I had exhausted myself out of my other options. When my wheels finally stopped turning, and my engine exhausted, I finally let God handcuff me and takeover.
Ironically, it was so freeing. The dreams I had been praying for began to take shape under His direction. Questions that I’d been mulling over and searching for my own answer to for months… were suddenly cleared one afternoon in the middle of a desperate prayer. It wasn’t until I let my mind submit to His will, did I find what I was really looking for.
I realized the perfection I was seeking was never going to be found because there’s only one, perfect thing in all of creation. And He was behind me… chasing me.
Now, I’ve chosen to pursue a new venture. With each new morning, I pursue my Pursuer. I want to think like Him, love like Him and worship His name. He has blessed me with abundance… one of the biggest gifts being the husband I will return to in three short days.
It is because of God’s grace and fulfilled promises that He gave my Jesse to me. And being his has allowed me the opportunity to chase after the symbol of the Bible’s definition of a good wife. (Notice, I did not use the word “perfect”) She is trusted, hardworking, a wise steward, confident, provider for her family, respected and encouraging. As an imperfect woman, I’m going to fail, disappoint, and falter in these ventures. But that’s why it’s a pursuit. I choose to fight with resolve to chase Proverbs 31. The symbol of a good wife who lives in reverent fear of her forever Pursuer.
In titling this blog, I am actively reminding myself to constantly seek how to be a better version of who I am. A redeemed daughter of the King. And a supportive, strong, adoring wife to my hunk of a Marine.