The Chase

Proverbs 31My laptop teetered on my crossed legs as I sat on the couch, staring at the screen with my new WordPress account on the brink of being finished.

Except for that taunting, blinking cursor that was demanding the site’s newest, naive blogger to name her blog. This is your first one! The title has to be just the right balance of profound, witty and yet readable.

Basically, I like words. Annnnnd that’s probably an understatement. If you know me, you’re rolling your eyes because I am THAT grammar Nazi, THAT kid who loved English class, and THAT friend who constantly shows you all those pins on Pinterest with the hilarious grammar guy and you’re*. (Remember, I was also THAT girl who provided free labor and edited all of your papers… so you guys can stop rolling!)

The cursor continued to blink. I thought. And thought. And stared blankly across my living room. My screen ended the cursor’s taunts as it went dark out of inactivity.

And then… it came. A verb (or present participle to be annoyingly, grammatically correct) just popped into my mind. Simple as that.

But what am I chasing?

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There’s something about a pursuit that is so intoxicating. A high speed car chase: it steals all of your regularly-scheduled primetime shows, and your attention. Our curiosity burns just like the engine of the fool veering in and out of lanes. We egg on the careless and lawless driver to keep holding down the accelerator because it’s exhilarating to wonder what it’ll take to end it. We all know it’s not going to end well for the driver. In what episode of COPS ever did the driver evade all cameras, helicopters and police vehicles to find total freedom? We know it has to end, but we just want to see how.

A love story. Time and time again, crowds flock to the movie theaters to watch a story where a man pursues a woman in the most romantic, tear-jerking of ways. We know how it’s going to end–even you, Nicholas Sparks, we’re on to you and your twisted ways–yet we still eat it up because we just want to see how the chase plays out.

And then there’s the best of pursuits. The one that is set apart from all other pursuits because it’s one that we, humans, will never fully understand. God’s chase after His own children. His creation. His bride.

We were made in His image. After creating the universe, the planets, the stars, the beasts of the field… He wasn’t content to stop until He made us. Guys. I think that means we’re kind of His favorite!

But sadly, it became human nature to disappoint him. Growing up in an amazing family, rooted in the church, I knew that I was God’s cherished daughter at an early age. But all too often, I sinned, fueled fires, and pushed Him away. Instead, I went on my own pursuit of something that I thought I could find all by myself: perfection.

It was just easier to do it my way and ask Him for help later… when I had exhausted myself out of my other options. When my wheels finally stopped turning, and my engine exhausted, I finally let God handcuff me and takeover.

Ironically, it was so freeing. The dreams I had been praying for began to take shape under His direction. Questions that I’d been mulling over and searching for my own answer to for months… were suddenly cleared one afternoon in the middle of a desperate prayer. It wasn’t until I let my mind submit to His will, did I find what I was really looking for.

I realized the perfection I was seeking was never going to be found because there’s only one, perfect thing in all of creation. And He was behind me… chasing me.

Now, I’ve chosen to pursue a new venture. With each new morning, I pursue my Pursuer. I want to think like Him, love like Him and worship His name. He has blessed me with abundance… one of the biggest gifts being the husband I will return to in three short days.

It is because of God’s grace and fulfilled promises that He gave my Jesse to me. And being his has allowed me the opportunity to chase after the symbol of the Bible’s definition of a good wife. (Notice, I did not use the word “perfect”) She is trusted, hardworking, a wise steward, confident, provider for her family, respected and encouraging. As an imperfect woman, I’m going to fail, disappoint, and falter in these ventures. But that’s why it’s a pursuit. I choose to fight with resolve to chase Proverbs 31. The symbol of a good wife who lives in reverent fear of her forever Pursuer.

In titling this blog, I am actively reminding myself to constantly seek how to be a better version of who I am. A redeemed daughter of the King. And a supportive, strong, adoring wife to my hunk of a Marine.

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Beginnings:

They carry this nervous energy and pent up excitement. The anxious, twisted fingers underneath the table during a first date; the quickening of a runner’s heartbeat before the starting gun fires; the curious wanderlust of a traveler leaving home as she hands her one-way ticket to the attendant.

Even the multiple perfectionistic edits of a writer before hitting “publish”on her inaugural blog post.

If you couldn’t tell, I currently fall into the latter category. I’ve been telling myself to start one of these ever since finishing college and looking for ways to keep the creative ink of my right side brain from drying up. I have a loose idea of where I want to take this blog, but for tonight, I figured I would just let my thoughts take these keys wherever they wanted to go. And since this is just the beginning… well, I have time to shape this blog into what I want it to be. (Little teaser for next post: I share my reasoning for this blog title.)

Honestly, beginnings are one of my very favorite things. The unknown is exhilarating to me–it’s why I love surprises. Beginnings are the root of daydreams, nostalgia and memories. I never have answers in the beginning, and it’s so relieving to not have that burden. Instead, I simply allow my ever-processing brain to go limp noodle, if you will, and just be in the moment.

Those anxious, twisted fingers? Yeah, that comes from experience. My hands were in knots underneath a McAlister’s table one August night because my brain was much too occupied with the handsome brown-eyed boy laughing at my corny, lame jokes to tell my fingers to chill out. Had I been actually using all of my brain’s potential… I probably would’ve sounded a whole lot more logical in trying to impress this logistics major, thus, my off-the-cuff jokes wouldn’t have ever landed on his ears, and his whole-hearted laugh might never have become the one I hold so dear to my heart now, nearly two years later.

The thing is… the beauty of a beginning cannot be seen until you let your brain stop trying to figure out the ending.

It’s with this mentality that I’m striving towards the newest of my beginnings.

You see, I married that brown-eyed, laughing boy on March 27, 2015.

In the wee hours of April 30, 2015, I would watch red tail lights reflect off our apartment hallway as my Marine drove away from our little Texan home, headed towards Quantico, Virginia, to report for TBS (The Basic School) five months earlier than we were both prepared for.

Due to the sudden announcement, necessary quick turnaround and just starting my new blessing of a job, I hugged and kissed him goodbye that morning knowing that I wouldn’t get to join him in that beautifully green state until the beginning of July.

Two months.

Being a newlywed… well, that might as well be two years. Dramatic as that sounds, I really miss my husband… this is my blog… and I can write whatever I want.

But I digress. Let’s back up… the beginning of July. Catch that key word? Another beginning is on my horizon! I’m going to be honest, the first couple weeks of him being gone were rough and riddled with grumpiness. But with each new morning, I began to embrace that pent up excitement and anticipation for that July day when I would jump out of that U-Haul into my man’s arms, wordlessly defining why Virginia Is For Lovers.

July 2nd is ever creeping closer, and I wait in anticipation to join my husband in this new beginning of our lives–the adventure of learning how to pack efficiently, living in new cities and creating lasting relationships with fellow Marines and their spouses who chose to seek the same adventure.

At 23, I’ve experienced a lot of beginnings. But this next one is about to take me for a ride of surprises.

And you already know by now… I can’t wait.